13 Ways to Ruin Your Life, the FREE book from Jarrod Jones

This is the fourth blog within the last couple of hours or so that I’ve written in regards to TODAY’S Matt Lauer’s interview this morning with former New York State’s Attorney General, Eliot Spitzer, about his sexual affair and exposure with a high-priced call girl. See the previous three blogs for more info.  Actually, I’d like you to read those before you read this blog if you have the time.

One last word in regards to this little series based off the Lauer and Spitzer interview:

Forgiveness.  As a Christ follower, we understand the word as “Grace.”

Here is what Spitzer said in regards to his family’s response since he was exposed: ‘I’m a very fortunate guy…. I have a spectacular wife, three daughters who are wonderful. I’ve been forgiven. There are moments when you realize those are the things that matter.’

In terms of his family relationships he found grace. I pray for those who are exposed in sexual sin can be granted the same such grace by their family. I’ll deal with this more in a moment.

But here’s the key note:  We have a spectacular Savior. In Him—Jesus—we find grace, forgiveness, and restoration.  He, above all else, is what and whom truly matters.  In Him you are not hopeless and helpless in sexual sin. And you are not a pervert for crying out loud.  You are not beyond grace.  The grace of God has no end in Christ.  To know this, believe this, empowers you to conquer sexual sin.

For example, one of the motto’s of my life is the following: “I don’t have to obey to be accepted and loved by God. But because I am radically accepted and loved by God in Christ I want to obey Him.”  That’s what grace is and does.

Do you believe it? Will you slow down, retreat, pause, reflect, and meditate on it.  You don’t have to perform. You don’t have to impress God with how long you can go without looking at porn. He’s actually not impressed. He’s impressed when you have faith in what He’s done for you and who you are in Him.  He’s delighted when out of His grace, by faith, you live it out in obedience—fleeing sexual sin.

I’m hoping I’ve made sense. I deal with this more at length in 13 Ways.

For those whose husband, father, mother, wife has been in sexual sin and confessed and repented of that sin…. here’s my encouragement: If Eliot Spitzer’s family grants grace, without any mention of our Savior, how much more should we as Christ followers then, who have experienced God’s grace, grant grace to our loved one who is seeking forgiveness and help for his or her sexual sin?

In other words, can you forgive? Not just forgive with words, but with attitude, perseverance, commitment, joy?  And I don’t mean forgetting the sin and trauma it brought you and your family. Healing will need to happen. Biblical Christian counseling will need to be sought.  Trust will need to be re-established. Relational joy will need to be cultivated. But isn’t it worth the work for the sake of your marriage and family? And what a testimony it would be to Christ!

Spitzer’s last statement nailed it earlier in this blog. He said,  “There are moments when you realize those are the things that matter.” Those things that matter? Forgiveness (Grace in Christ) and Family.

1) It sets up UNREALISTIC SEXUAL EXPECTATIONS. You are putting unwarranted and unrealistic sexual expectations on your wife (or future wife).  She is not a porn star.  What if you expect a sexual relationship with her like she is? And she won’t or can’t deliver? Filling your mind with porn can bring you serious disappointment with your wife sexually and cost you your marriage in more ways than one. It will lead to emotional distancing, more porn viewing, and potentially take you to untold heights of other sexual sin that will ruin your relationships, family, career, indeed your very life.

I read a booklet recently that shared how a man would lay porn photos and magazines on the pillow next to his wife so he could look at them while he had sex with her. He fed his mind so much porn that it was poisoned, warped, and calloused to sexual enjoyment with his wife alone.  Porn on a pillow was the only way he could get sexual “fulfillment.” Imagine how cheap and degraded his wife felt?

It doesn’t have to be as extreme as laying porn images on the pillow either. It can come from you gazing at and lusting after a woman at your office, Church, School, and fantasizing about sex with her while making love with your wife or masturbating.  This is sexual sin, degradation of your wife, and a severing of “oneness” with her.

Why do that to yourself then? Why feed your mind with porn and lust only to make fantasy as “normal” and set your marriage or future marriage up for failure?  Stop feeding your mind this poison.  And instead do as Solomon encouraged His son, Rehoboham, to do (And Rehoboam may not have been married at the time either).

Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you.  Rejoice in the wife of your youth.  She is a loving doe, a graceful deer.  Let her breasts satisfy you always.  May you always be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, with an immoral woman, or embrace the breasts of an adulterous woman?

An evil man is held captive by his own sins; they are ropes that catch and hold him. He will die for lack of self-control; he will be lost because of his incredible folly.
Proverbs 5:16-23 (NLT)

Porn is a big deal. It cheapens sexual intimacy and “oneness” that God gifted to his creation between man and wife. Porn is fantasy that displays intself as “normal” and will set you up for major disappointment. It devalues and degrades your wife or future wife. And it only serves to feed animalistic lust and make porn filmmakers millions.

Sexual sin is like ropes that that can hold you captive and put a noose around your neck. Get control man.  Reflect on what porn is doing to you (or will do to you) and how it will affect your marriage. And most of all, repent.