13 Ways to Ruin Your Life, the FREE book from Jarrod Jones

Happy April Fool’s day. I’ve learned the hard way that people actually take this day seriously. Below, is the intro section of a chapter I wrote in my 13 Ways book.  It is fitting for today. I left the bit of application at the end of it for context too.  Feel the pain…

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It happened on April Fool’s day my eighth grade year of Middle school.   Before school most of my friends would hang out by the outside doors of the gym.  As I was walking toward my posse they were all chuckling and looking at me. My first thought was “zip up.” But all was well there.  I walked up to them and said, “What’s up? What’s so funny?”  My best friend at the time, Lance, pulled out from behind his back an egg.  He slammed it onto my head.  I stood in shock.  I leaned my head over to catch the egg goop as it ran off my head.  But there was no goop.  Lance had pulled a glorious April Fool’s joke on me. The egg was boiled.

Once I shook off my instinct to pummel him I laughed and thought it was the funniest thing ever.  Then he took out another egg.  I was putty in his hands. I said, “Let me get somebody.” He gladly handed the egg over.

I was waiting for my other friends to come by. But none ever showed.  The first warning bell rang.  I didn’t want to miss out on the prank. I had to pull it on somebody pronto.  Most everyone had made their way to class except for me, Lance, and three or four of our friends.  The last kid to walk toward the door was a sixth grader hobbling on crutches and barely hanging on to his books under his arms.

I walked up to him and said, “Hey, would you like an egg?” Then I slammed the egg on top of his head just like Lance did me.  Problem:  This was a raw egg.

As the egg yoke ran down his face he looked at me in horror. I was speechless. I spun around and Lance was foaming at the mouth he was laughing so hard. My friends had taken off running trying to contain themselves.  I chased Lance around the building as the final bell rang.

Out of breath I decided to simply go surrender myself to the Principal and accept my fate. Consequences were inevitable. I walked into his office and confessed the whole thing.  As my story unfolded it was all my Principal could do to suppress his laughter.

Surprisingly the kid had yet to come to the office. I had a hunch he was in the hall bathroom by the office. Sure enough there he stood propped on his crutches swishing water over his face and head.  I felt so ashamed.  You should have seen me wetting paper towels and helping him clean egg off his face while he slapped at my hand as if it were a gnat.  I rambled on about how Lance had set me up, that he (the kid) was my last chance to pull the prank, and so forth. I told him I’d be his body guard the rest of the year.   He looked at me with fire in his eyes. You couldn’t blame him.

Unfortunately, I am still just as gullible.  Pranks pulled on me aren’t a difficult task. Actually I think fewer pranks are pulled on me now because it’s just plain boring. I’m too gullible, too easy a target.

It’s one thing to be an easy target for innocent pranks. It is an entirely different issue to be gullible in sexual temptation.  Upon further thought, gullible may be too soft a word.  Naïve is more like it.  To commend your emotions and issues to a woman outside of your marriage is a travesty. To entrust your heart and purity to just any woman before marriage can bring brokenness and regret.  It’s plain naïve.

Don’t be gullible.

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If you find I haven’t written on this blog in a while, check out www.jarrodjones.com.  Thank you for checking out this site. I have gotten so many comments lately (and suddenly!) I bless the Lord for how He uses this site although I haven’t blogged on the site in a while. Now that I’ve discovered that it’s ministering powerfully to many of you, I will try and do better.

Thank you so much for your encouragement!

Much love and power in Christ!

Follow me on Twitter at @jarrodjones

I have run across a few book reviews of 13 Ways lately. They are all positive, thankfully.  I wanted to share this particular book review because it captures the essence of the book and its chapters.  If you haven’t read the book yet this review will give you a great cliff notes peek.  I hope it will encourage you to get the free download of the book and read it.

13 Ways to Ruin Your Life with Lust

A blog and book review by Luke Gilkerson.  For more check out Breaking Free.

If you are looking for a good book to give away for FREE to those who struggle with the sins of lust and pornography, you’ll want to pick up Jarrod Jones’ 13 Ways to Ruin Your Life. You can download it from his website.

Using Proverbs 7 as the backbone of his book, Jarrod unpacks 13 key points we can learn from the life of the “fool” who found himself lying in the arms of a prostitute.

Jarrod’s simple, candid approach to this subject is refreshing and powerful. He writes from a place of wisdom and experience, confessing his own sins and blunders along the road to living in purity. He gives 13 sure-fire ways to ruin your life in sexual sin:

1. Be Unresolved (Proverbs 7:7)

Too many men today, like the foolish man in Proverbs 7, lack resolve. Jarrod says that resolve is “sticking the flag into the soil of your heart and not looking back. It’s driving home a vow to God to stay committed to your intended purpose” (13 Ways, p.13). Jarrod writes of the resolve of King David who said that he would walk within his house in the integrity of his heart and set no worthless thing before his eyes (Psalm 101). He calls men to clean out private places where they have let sin get a foothold and nurse a holy hatred of lust.

2. Flirt With Temptation (Proverbs 7:8)

Too many men have the attitude that they can “look at the menu” as much as they want, as long as they don’t order anything. Jarrod exposes the ignorance of this attitude with shrewd accuracy. He talks about how the “innocent” looks and playful conversations can lead to bigger problems way too easily, how single men and women live on a razor’s edge of how far is too far. He calls men away from their flirtations with “emotional adultery” and “anything-but-intercourse” boundary lines Christians often set.

3. Feel You’re In Control (Proverbs 7:12,25)

Many men feel they can tame the beast of lust, not considering the enemy they fight. You don’t have to go looking for pornography and lustful images—they will find you. Temptations to sexual immorality are aggressive, accessible, available, and appealing. We can never choose to go toe-to-toe with them and expect to come through them: to choose this is prideful, foolish, and unbiblical. Jarrod talks about how to take God’s way of escape from these temptations.

4. Believe No One Will Know (Proverbs 7:18-20)

The fool of Proverbs 7 believes no one will catch him in his act of adultery—another foolish attitude of someone who constantly gives into porn. Jarrod warns his readers that instead of letting their sin be exposed to others in shame,to live lives of confession, exposing their sin to trusted friends, pastors, or mentors.

5. Take Just One More Look (Proverbs 7:22-23)

Jarrod writes, “The crystal-meth of sexual obsession is Internet sex” (13 Ways, p.45). He talks about the escalation of sexual addiction today due to the prevalence of pornography online, and he explains some of the hormonal reasons behind addiction. Drawing on his own experience with addiction to cigarettes, he shares how God breaks a person of their addictions, and shares about the power of accountability in a person’s life. Ultimately he points his readers to the cross of Christ (Romans 6) as the way to slay the power of sin slavery:

“When the ‘one more look’ drags you toward the sexual sin, take ten long looks at the cross of Jesus. Think about Jesus’ stunning sacrifice, His great love, His awesome freedom, and His gripping grace gifted to you when He saved you by His death on the cross. You are free from addiction and free from struggle and free from sin because He beat it all on the cross. You are no longer a slave to your lusts. You are a son of His love and glory. So embrace the truth and live it by constant repentance and faith.”

6. Act Without Thinking (Proverbs 7:22)

The man of Proverbs 7 is impulsive, which is what leads him to follow the prostitute without thinking. Jarrod calls us to take a serious inventory of our lives, to really think about what we are doing and how we might be crossing the line. When an impulsive heart meets with pornography or with an all-too-vulnerable friendship with someone of the opposite sex, this is the first step on the road to immorality. Jarrod reminds us that we will not stumble into purity or trip into godliness. We must aim for it.

7. Think You’re the Exception (Proverbs 7:26-27)

Men who think that they are somehow different than all other men are either guilty of incredible pride or incredible ignorance (or both). Sexual sin is a road to spiritual death: no exceptions. Jarrod gives his readers another perspective: You don’t want to be the exception. Being the exception means that God never brings your sins to light, never brings you to conviction, and thus never leads to repentance. He speaks to those who feel they are “just in a season” of weakness to be honest with themselves and with God, to admit their selfishness and seek God’s mercy.

8. Learn By Experience (Proverbs 7:1-2)

The fool learned by experience: don’t touch the fire or you will get burned. The very reason why Proverbs 7 was written was so that we never need to learn this lesson by experience. We, all too often, want to learn by experience, even if we are told by wiser people not to do it. Jarrod encourages his readers to take Solomon’s warnings to heart.

9. Live in Denial (Proverbs 7:9,21,25-26)

We all have the tendency to rationalize sin. Jarrod talks about the vulnerable moments when we are likely to want to rationalize: when we are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. He gives practical tips about these moments of vulnerability.

10. Deny the Obvious (Proverbs 7:10,13,16)

There are many red flags about the woman in Proverbs 7: she is aggressive, manipulative, scandalous, and seductive. Jarrod powerfully warns his male readers about not getting emotionally or physically involved with certain kinds of women. He teaches men how to handle seductive clothing, sensualized media, and a woman’s sexual advances.

11. Be Gullible (Proverbs 7:13-18)

This chapter is all about not being emotionally gullible or naïve when it comes to getting close to women. Jarrod pokes holes in those seemingly unimportant conversations that can eventually lead to sin. Whether you are single or married, this chapter speaks specifically to your situation. He sets some great boundaries for married men and some great standards for single guys.

12. Make Excuses (Proverbs 7:13,15)

Until we learn to stop making excuses for our sin, we will never find the freedom we want from sin. The man of Proverbs 7 could have easily tried making excuses for himself about how this seductive woman preyed upon him, but in the end he was to blame for his own actions. Jarrod prepares his readers for those difficult confrontations with seductive people and situations. Instead of playing the victim of sexual temptation, Jarrod talks about rejecting all attempts to excuse our sin.

13. Get Hardened to God’s Truth (Proverbs 7:1)

Jarrod reminds us that the book of Proverbs is words of wisdom written by Solomon to his son, but Solomon himself did not deed his own God-given wisdom. In this last chapter, Jarrod warns us about how easily we can become hardened to God’s words and not obey them. He talks about reading, studying, meditating on, and memorizing the Word of God with diligence.

Overall Jarrod’s book is entertaining, refreshing, hard-hitting, cross-centered, and extremely practical. I wholeheartedly recommend it to any Christian man.

For more book reviews on different topics by Luke Gilkerson, click here.

Also, check out www.convenanteyes.com.  Breaking Free is a blog post of Covenant Eyes.

Did an interview a while back with www.wreckedfortheordinary.com. Click here to read the interview at the their site. Or just read below. Hope it informs and encourages you…

An Interview with Jarrod Jones

by Jeff Goins

There are a lot of Christian books about porn, sex, and purity. How is yours different?

My opinion is that most books deal with sexual sin but they don’t confront it. We are blasted at every turn by an immorally sex-crazed culture: Simulated oral sex on Prime Time television; “hooking up” on Reality TV; music videos where a rapper swipes a credit card through a woman’s backside. With that constant barrage of immorality we need a message that fights back with the same intensity. 13 Ways To Ruin Your Life does that. It’s a truth-driven read with a call to repentance. At the same time it doesn’t beat the reader over the head. I share a lot of my personal story, struggles, and experiences. It’s funny in some places and sobering in others. Still, I give a constant call—for the sake of Christ, and for your good. Repent. It’s a “finger in the chest” in some sense, without the yelling and anger. It’s a look in the eye that says, “For the sake of Christ, don’t ruin your life.” You don’t get that kind of balance in a lot of the purity books.

Out of the 13 ways to ruin your life, which do you think is the worst? What’s the #1 way to ruin your life, in your estimation?

That’s a tough one. On a practical scale I would say the Chapter 5 tip, “Take Just One More Look.” How many guys within the battle have done this? I would argue almost all. Me included. Temptation lurks especially when you want a break from life, an escape. Then upon giving in, guilt comes and you think, “What the heck? I’ll never win at this. Why even try?” So another look, and another, and another. Addiction’s fangs are sinking in.

How were you inspired to use the story of the “young man” in Proverbs who is tempted by the prototypical “adulteress” as the basis for a book about pornography and sexual addiction?

My pastor, Harry Walls, mentored me through it over a year ago. I was blown away. It disturbed me. I couldn’t quit thinking about it.

The language of the Proverb is gripping, jolting, blunt, harsh, and unapologetic. It’s King Solomon looking at his son and saying, “See that young man over there seduced by sexual sin? He’s ‘naive’ about what it will cost him.” That word “naive” can be translated as “stupid.” Talk about a finger in the chest! But we need to hear it.

He also says to his son in Proverbs 7:22-23 (my paraphrase), “Take another look. That young man is like an ox going to the slaughter. A bird headed to a trap. A deer caught in a corner with an arrow flying toward its heart. Without a clue it’s going to cost him his life.” The butcher could have raised the ox up from a calf: loving on it; petting it; feeding it. Then one day the butcher destroyed it. The bird could have played around the trap. One day it got him. The deer could have thought all was well and fed on the bait. Then, bam, the arrow strikes. And he didn’t see it coming. This is what sexual sin is and does. It’s deceiving by it’s availability. It’s deadly because it’s a feel-good escape. The Proverb brings that to life. It’s just so real, relevant, and disturbing.

For those who have “ruined” their lives through premarital sex, pornography, or other compulsive sexual behavior, what kind of hope is available to them?

Hope. That’s the glory of Jesus. There’s a guy who after reading my book went online and confessed to the online community about his struggle with pornography. His letter was heartbreaking. You could hear the repentance, regret, and fear in his words. He gave everyone permission to think he was “gross” and to abandon him. However, he received the opposite. People, friends and acquaintances poured in their love and support for him. They assured him of their love. I’m sure he still has to deal with some fallout over the sin, personally and relationally. That’s just life and consequences of sin. But the love that overwhelmed him is proof of the love, forgiveness, and peace of Jesus. Let the debris fall where it must, and cling to Jesus.

Is there a particular story of a person ruining his/her life through sexual addiction that has really stuck with you? What are some of the most powerful examples of purity and impurity that you’ve heard or witnessed?

I have a female friend and also a female family member who went through horrible divorces because their husbands were addicted to porn. What’s sad is that their husbands never saw a problem with it and enjoyed their sin. Yet these men destroyed the dignity and value of their wives and fractured the trust of their children.

Also, I hear stories about pastors, youth pastors, and worship leaders falling to sexual sin. Most are caught in adultery; others have their porn addiction go public. The fallout from this is devastating. They were platform people who have been followed, revered, respected, and trusted, and they destroyed their ministry. And they confused and hurt people deeply. People shouldn’t put these ministers on a pedestal, I agree, but it’s simply tough not to do that.

Powerful example of purity: A guy who doesn’t just want to be a “nice Christian,” but a Godly man. He wants to protect girls from himself. A guy who loves Jesus more than anyone and anything so that he might love and respect a lady the way she deserves—as a daughter of God. Girls are dying for these kinds of guys. I hear it all the time. “Where is he?!” they’ll beg. And I meet guys who feel the same about the ladies.

How do you balance the biblical call to personal holiness with the seemingly-inevitable fleshly struggle of sin? Undoubtedly, many young men and woman struggle with personal purity and often feel defeated. How can they overcome that feeling of defeat without delving into legalism or a sin-avoidance gospel? That is, in your own life, Jarrod, how does grace abound?

Christianity is impossible to live. That’s why you hear Jesus say, “Abide in me” (John 15). That’s why Paul says, “In view of God’s mercy” before He says, “offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God” (Romans 12). We are constantly pointed to grace, to mercy, and to love. That’s the power. Christian “rah-rah-ing” to “be more pure” is just dumb. We must know that God points to His Son and the cross before He commands us to do anything. And those commands come so that we might know our Creator deeply—all for His glory, and our good.

When I am tempted with my eyes I think, “lust will never satisfy.” That’s my mantra. Jesus is the bread that satisfies the burning hunger. Temptation comes but then conviction comes. The conviction is not, “Jarrod, you better not look! Do you hear me?! Boy, I’m telling you!!!” No, the conviction is the Spirit of Jesus saying, “Jarrod, my son. Look at me. Look at me. I’m better. I alone complete you. I satisfy you. Don’t settle for this lie. Look at my blood pouring down for you on my Cross. For you, Jarrod. So that you would be mine. So that you would be free. So that you would have life.”