13 Ways to Ruin Your Life, the FREE book from Jarrod Jones

Sexual sin is a life ruiner. Indeed it’s a “killer” (in some ways literally, in other ways figuratively). The Apostle Paul says to kill sexual sin. Kill it before it kills you. Colossians 3:6–”Put to death therefore what is earthly within you: sexual immorality . . .”.

The words “put to death” mean the following:
-  “kill”
-  “refuse to obey”
-  “deprive of power, destroy the strength of, render inoperative”

How do you kill sexual sin? Repent.

How do you refuse to obey it? You make it a laser-like focus of prayer. The first thing that hits the floor in the morning is your knees in pleas to God. Pray that He prepare you for the day’s temptations that will bombard you. Pray that He will give you the grace and desire to obey Him rather than the lure of sexual temptation.

How do you deprive it of power, destroy its strength, and render it inoperative? As my pastor said, you put as many obstacles between you and sexual sin as possible.  You pull the plug and get rid of whatever is in your life that fosters sexual temptation.

Below are some ways I try to deprive the power and destroy the strength of sexual sin in my own life:

*  My wife has full reign over my computer. She checks my e-mail. She views my Facebook. She has access to my mobile phone text messages.

*  One of my ministry assistants can log into my computer from Nashville and surf my hard-drive and Internet history.

*  I don’t allow myself to be in the room alone, with another woman. I don’t have “intimate” conversations with other women (even if their friends) about my life’s struggles nor do I offer an ear to their struggles. In other words I keep an emotional desk between us.

*  Sometimes I unplug my hotel TV or have the hotel to cut off cable capabilities.  At the least, I might set two channels on the remote—ESPN and a News channel.

*  While traveling, I have a friend who calls me to basically say, “Jarrod, you have a wife who loves you and two precious boys. You have a beautiful family. Don’t ruin it.”

*  I repeat the following mantra to myself when lust creeps within me, “Lust never satisfies!”  When the girl appears on the billboard, or in the magazine, newspaper, or coffee shop and her clothes are just too tight or too short or too bare, I close my eyes, repeat the mantra, and either turn away or walk away.

*  Often I reflect on how I don’t want to pass any generational sexual sin on to my sons through what I do in my own life.

Me, Rick, and Bubba following the interview on the show

First of all, Rick and Bubba and Speedy are amazing. Men of God. Incredibly encouraging off the air.  They are the real deal. Love’em and look forward to the next time I get to be with them.

Also, for those who are viewing the site for the first time– One thing I failed to mention is that the book is great for WOMEN too. I have had close to as many women buy it for themselves, their kids, their husbands, nephews, and so forth.

My sister said that the book helped her understand how a man thinks and the struggles he faces in the fighting and fleeing of sexual sin. Ladies, I strongly want to encourage you to download and/or purchase the book also. It will inform you, bless you, and challenge you.  Upon testimonies I’ve heard from women it can apply to you too, whether it be sexual sin, any sin, or simply understanding the struggle of men.

Thanks for visiting my site. May the Lord empower you and encourage you to flee and fight sexual temptation, indeed all sinful temptation, for His glory… and your good.

Did an interview a while back with www.wreckedfortheordinary.com. Click here to read the interview at the their site. Or just read below. Hope it informs and encourages you…

An Interview with Jarrod Jones

by Jeff Goins

There are a lot of Christian books about porn, sex, and purity. How is yours different?

My opinion is that most books deal with sexual sin but they don’t confront it. We are blasted at every turn by an immorally sex-crazed culture: Simulated oral sex on Prime Time television; “hooking up” on Reality TV; music videos where a rapper swipes a credit card through a woman’s backside. With that constant barrage of immorality we need a message that fights back with the same intensity. 13 Ways To Ruin Your Life does that. It’s a truth-driven read with a call to repentance. At the same time it doesn’t beat the reader over the head. I share a lot of my personal story, struggles, and experiences. It’s funny in some places and sobering in others. Still, I give a constant call—for the sake of Christ, and for your good. Repent. It’s a “finger in the chest” in some sense, without the yelling and anger. It’s a look in the eye that says, “For the sake of Christ, don’t ruin your life.” You don’t get that kind of balance in a lot of the purity books.

Out of the 13 ways to ruin your life, which do you think is the worst? What’s the #1 way to ruin your life, in your estimation?

That’s a tough one. On a practical scale I would say the Chapter 5 tip, “Take Just One More Look.” How many guys within the battle have done this? I would argue almost all. Me included. Temptation lurks especially when you want a break from life, an escape. Then upon giving in, guilt comes and you think, “What the heck? I’ll never win at this. Why even try?” So another look, and another, and another. Addiction’s fangs are sinking in.

How were you inspired to use the story of the “young man” in Proverbs who is tempted by the prototypical “adulteress” as the basis for a book about pornography and sexual addiction?

My pastor, Harry Walls, mentored me through it over a year ago. I was blown away. It disturbed me. I couldn’t quit thinking about it.

The language of the Proverb is gripping, jolting, blunt, harsh, and unapologetic. It’s King Solomon looking at his son and saying, “See that young man over there seduced by sexual sin? He’s ‘naive’ about what it will cost him.” That word “naive” can be translated as “stupid.” Talk about a finger in the chest! But we need to hear it.

He also says to his son in Proverbs 7:22-23 (my paraphrase), “Take another look. That young man is like an ox going to the slaughter. A bird headed to a trap. A deer caught in a corner with an arrow flying toward its heart. Without a clue it’s going to cost him his life.” The butcher could have raised the ox up from a calf: loving on it; petting it; feeding it. Then one day the butcher destroyed it. The bird could have played around the trap. One day it got him. The deer could have thought all was well and fed on the bait. Then, bam, the arrow strikes. And he didn’t see it coming. This is what sexual sin is and does. It’s deceiving by it’s availability. It’s deadly because it’s a feel-good escape. The Proverb brings that to life. It’s just so real, relevant, and disturbing.

For those who have “ruined” their lives through premarital sex, pornography, or other compulsive sexual behavior, what kind of hope is available to them?

Hope. That’s the glory of Jesus. There’s a guy who after reading my book went online and confessed to the online community about his struggle with pornography. His letter was heartbreaking. You could hear the repentance, regret, and fear in his words. He gave everyone permission to think he was “gross” and to abandon him. However, he received the opposite. People, friends and acquaintances poured in their love and support for him. They assured him of their love. I’m sure he still has to deal with some fallout over the sin, personally and relationally. That’s just life and consequences of sin. But the love that overwhelmed him is proof of the love, forgiveness, and peace of Jesus. Let the debris fall where it must, and cling to Jesus.

Is there a particular story of a person ruining his/her life through sexual addiction that has really stuck with you? What are some of the most powerful examples of purity and impurity that you’ve heard or witnessed?

I have a female friend and also a female family member who went through horrible divorces because their husbands were addicted to porn. What’s sad is that their husbands never saw a problem with it and enjoyed their sin. Yet these men destroyed the dignity and value of their wives and fractured the trust of their children.

Also, I hear stories about pastors, youth pastors, and worship leaders falling to sexual sin. Most are caught in adultery; others have their porn addiction go public. The fallout from this is devastating. They were platform people who have been followed, revered, respected, and trusted, and they destroyed their ministry. And they confused and hurt people deeply. People shouldn’t put these ministers on a pedestal, I agree, but it’s simply tough not to do that.

Powerful example of purity: A guy who doesn’t just want to be a “nice Christian,” but a Godly man. He wants to protect girls from himself. A guy who loves Jesus more than anyone and anything so that he might love and respect a lady the way she deserves—as a daughter of God. Girls are dying for these kinds of guys. I hear it all the time. “Where is he?!” they’ll beg. And I meet guys who feel the same about the ladies.

How do you balance the biblical call to personal holiness with the seemingly-inevitable fleshly struggle of sin? Undoubtedly, many young men and woman struggle with personal purity and often feel defeated. How can they overcome that feeling of defeat without delving into legalism or a sin-avoidance gospel? That is, in your own life, Jarrod, how does grace abound?

Christianity is impossible to live. That’s why you hear Jesus say, “Abide in me” (John 15). That’s why Paul says, “In view of God’s mercy” before He says, “offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God” (Romans 12). We are constantly pointed to grace, to mercy, and to love. That’s the power. Christian “rah-rah-ing” to “be more pure” is just dumb. We must know that God points to His Son and the cross before He commands us to do anything. And those commands come so that we might know our Creator deeply—all for His glory, and our good.

When I am tempted with my eyes I think, “lust will never satisfy.” That’s my mantra. Jesus is the bread that satisfies the burning hunger. Temptation comes but then conviction comes. The conviction is not, “Jarrod, you better not look! Do you hear me?! Boy, I’m telling you!!!” No, the conviction is the Spirit of Jesus saying, “Jarrod, my son. Look at me. Look at me. I’m better. I alone complete you. I satisfy you. Don’t settle for this lie. Look at my blood pouring down for you on my Cross. For you, Jarrod. So that you would be mine. So that you would be free. So that you would have life.”

In the book I share personal experiences and stories from my life along with the solid biblical truths. Although written for guys, my editors (who were women) loved it. They commented on how much they got out of it and how excited they were to get it into the hands of their sons and husbands. For you ladies, if you want a glimpse into how the male mind works, how we battle with sexual temptation, how you can help us as sisters in Christ, and how we should lead you out in dating standards, I believe you will love this book.

Also, check out the following site www.jarrodjones.com for other random blogs (like poison Ivy & hiccups) blogs that encourage you in your spiritual walk (not performing for God), blogs about the family, pics of the family and events, and so forth.

ust hit me with it.  If you have something to say don’t dance around the subject.  Just come out with it.  Look me in the eye, don’t mince words, and let me have it.

Confront me.  I don’t need to be “talked to” about it.  I live in an age where sexual temptation and sexual sin is all up in my business.  But no one is in my face calling me out to flee it, fight it, fess it, and repent of it.  So come with it.  Hurt my feelings and tick me off.  I need it.

It’s time for men to be men.  We need repentant men who are repeat champions over sexual sin.  And we need these men to grab others by the collar, look them in the eye, call their sin out, and demand they not ruin their life. 

And I’m not talking accountability.  Accountability is often overstressed and overrated.  Think about it: A couple of guys chat over coffee and dreadfully approach the topic of, say, porn.  Following then is the most common response in all of Christendom: “I’m still struggling.” 

That little phrase is ultimately a cop out, particularly on the heels of weeks of accountability.  Where’s the dude who’ll say, “What do you mean you’re still struggling?  Quit being a pervert.  Be a freakin’ man.  Tell me three things you are going to do this week to flee it and fight it?  And do not just say ‘pray.’ “

Porn and other sexual sin will ruin a man’s Christian testimony, mind, relationships, and indeed his whole life.  If that doesn’t warrant getting in a guy’s face to save him from himself then what will?  “The wounds of a friend can be trusted,” says Solomon (Proverbs 27:6).

When I was a college basketball player I can vividly remember my coach in my face with his finger in my chest calling out my mistakes, my laziness, my lack of execution, and my excuses.  He’d have my full attention.  I’d then be resolved to carry out his instruction.  My motivation was a mix of obedience, fear, and passion to succeed.  He was pushing me to compete at a level above my potential.  I guarantee that if he only took me out for coffee, listened with gentle nodding and understanding as I rambled about my “struggling,” and then placed his hand on my shoulder and prayed for me, I would not have achieved anything.  Sometimes, it takes “man-talk” to get the attention of man’s mind and heart.  When it comes to sexual sin I want to, no, I need to be talked to like a man, not a puppy. 

The heart is the main issue, no doubt.  But to just pray with and encourage the man who continues in his sinful “I’m still struggling” pattern will not cut it.  He doesn’t need a hug.  He needs to be shaken.  He doesn’t need a pat on the back.  He needs a finger in the chest. 

Where are these men?