13 Ways to Ruin Your Life, the FREE book from Jarrod Jones

The other night I was in my camp “hotel” room in Texas following the camp’s worship gathering. I’d been in bed for about 20 minutes. Then I got a “bang” on my door. I’ve been getting those for two weeks. Students get wind of where my room is and they oblige themselves. So, basically, I ignore the “bangs.”

But this time, for some reason, I decided to get out of bed and answer the door.  It was a youth leader, a newly married youth leader.  He had my 13 Ways book in his hand. “I’ve got to talk to you… right now!”, he said.

Whoa.

So, I told him to give me a second where I could put on a shirt and my flip-flops.  We sat outside in 90 degree night-time Texas weather. Sweat running off our foreheads, he told me he was recently married but that he had another girl in his life that he’d been friends with for years who had just divorced.  He said that she had been emailing him a lot. And he was emailing her back. Then she started texting him. And he was texting her back. And then with those texts came pictures (I don’t think they were “sexting” pictures but he didn’t clarify).  He was walking headlong into emotional adultery.

“What should I do?,” he asked. He said he truly cared about this friend. That she was hurting. But he felt something wasn’t right about how things had escalated.  I asked him, “What does your wife say about all of this?”  His answer, “she doesn’t know.”

Uh-oh.

So I looked him right in the eye and said, “Dude. You need to end it… right now. Tell her not to email you anymore. Then don’t answer your emails. Tell her not to text you anymore. Then don’t answer her texts. And if needed, change your email address and mobile phone number.  This is serious.” Then I waited for the excuses to come.  But he really didn’t offer any.  He knew the answer before he even came to me. That’s the way it goes, isn’t it? We often know the right thing to do but don’t do it. It’s like we hold out to see if we can justify ourselves, or find ourselves justified by someone else.

However, he was pained at the thought of “abandoning” his friend. I said, “What would your wife, think if she read those texts? Have you let her see them?” “No,” he said, “I deleted them.” I said, “Bro, you are in dangerous waters here.  Tell your wife about the texts. Let her read the emails. Communicate my friend!  Keep nothing from her.  As a matter of fact, if you respond to further communication from this “friend,” copy it to your wife where your friend will see that you are willingly and joyfully including your wife on any further conversation. That should take care of lot it.”

I went on to say (and was a bit tough on him), “You are to love your wife as Christ loved the Church. There must be NO rivals! NO rivals. Does your wife feel honored, adored, protected, treasured, safe, by you? Bro, this friend that you have, you are not her “Messiah.” God doesn’t need you to help her or save her.  You, and your wife, can pray for her. Give your wife your email passwords and access to your texts. Don’t delete anything questionable without her reading it first. Let your wife read anything else your friend sends. Copy your wife on any emails you send to her but you even need to end that pronto.”

I told him to read Proverbs 7, then I prayed with him. I prayed that God would guard his heart from finding his “manhood” or “ego” stroked and affirmed by another woman giving him “attention.” And that He would do whatever it took to cut the relationship and honor His wife.

Are you finding yourself in a similar situation?  There’s one key word I gave him that the Apostle Paul gives us, that I’ll give you:

Run.

(1 Corinthians 6:18)

In a recent interview with the TODAY‘s Matt Lauer, Eliot Spitzer shared about his ongoing sexual fling with a high-price call girl ($4300 a session) and the trauma of his exposure.

In the interview Lauer asked if he ever thought about eventually getting caught.  Spitzer replied,  “Getting caught… ‘crossed my mind, but like many things in life, you ignore the obvious at a certain moment because you simply don’t want to confront it.’”

Did you catch it? He said, “[L]ike many things in life, you ignore the obvious…”.  Interestingly how Proverbs 7 deals with that very truth. Indeed, a whole chapter out of the 13 Ways book deals with “ignoring the obvious.”

King Solomon states, “Then out came a woman to meet him, dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent…. WIth persuasive words she led him astray and she seduced him with her smooth talk.  All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter…little knowing it would cost him his life”
(Proverbs 7:10, 21-23).

In the interview Spitzer continues, ‘This is something that has caused excruciating pain to [my wife] and my daughters…. It’s something that I carry with me every day because of the pain I’ve caused. And so I’ve tried to balance: The obligation to speak is vast but also the pain to my family has been enormous.’

Spitzer ignored the obvious. And it cost him dearly.

Evaluate your life. What sin are you ignoring?  Chances are that anyone reading this blog is not spending $4300 on a call girl. Chances are that he or she is probably spending time, and potentially money, on pornography. Porn is “loud and defiant” in its display.  It’s intent—or the producers and porn CEO’s intent— is to seduce you and addict you and get your money. And all the while it is leading you like an ox to the slaughter.

In the words of Eliot Spitzer, sexual sin can bring excrucitating pain to your family.

And it can ruin your life.

I have run across a few book reviews of 13 Ways lately. They are all positive, thankfully.  I wanted to share this particular book review because it captures the essence of the book and its chapters.  If you haven’t read the book yet this review will give you a great cliff notes peek.  I hope it will encourage you to get the free download of the book and read it.

13 Ways to Ruin Your Life with Lust

A blog and book review by Luke Gilkerson.  For more check out Breaking Free.

If you are looking for a good book to give away for FREE to those who struggle with the sins of lust and pornography, you’ll want to pick up Jarrod Jones’ 13 Ways to Ruin Your Life. You can download it from his website.

Using Proverbs 7 as the backbone of his book, Jarrod unpacks 13 key points we can learn from the life of the “fool” who found himself lying in the arms of a prostitute.

Jarrod’s simple, candid approach to this subject is refreshing and powerful. He writes from a place of wisdom and experience, confessing his own sins and blunders along the road to living in purity. He gives 13 sure-fire ways to ruin your life in sexual sin:

1. Be Unresolved (Proverbs 7:7)

Too many men today, like the foolish man in Proverbs 7, lack resolve. Jarrod says that resolve is “sticking the flag into the soil of your heart and not looking back. It’s driving home a vow to God to stay committed to your intended purpose” (13 Ways, p.13). Jarrod writes of the resolve of King David who said that he would walk within his house in the integrity of his heart and set no worthless thing before his eyes (Psalm 101). He calls men to clean out private places where they have let sin get a foothold and nurse a holy hatred of lust.

2. Flirt With Temptation (Proverbs 7:8)

Too many men have the attitude that they can “look at the menu” as much as they want, as long as they don’t order anything. Jarrod exposes the ignorance of this attitude with shrewd accuracy. He talks about how the “innocent” looks and playful conversations can lead to bigger problems way too easily, how single men and women live on a razor’s edge of how far is too far. He calls men away from their flirtations with “emotional adultery” and “anything-but-intercourse” boundary lines Christians often set.

3. Feel You’re In Control (Proverbs 7:12,25)

Many men feel they can tame the beast of lust, not considering the enemy they fight. You don’t have to go looking for pornography and lustful images—they will find you. Temptations to sexual immorality are aggressive, accessible, available, and appealing. We can never choose to go toe-to-toe with them and expect to come through them: to choose this is prideful, foolish, and unbiblical. Jarrod talks about how to take God’s way of escape from these temptations.

4. Believe No One Will Know (Proverbs 7:18-20)

The fool of Proverbs 7 believes no one will catch him in his act of adultery—another foolish attitude of someone who constantly gives into porn. Jarrod warns his readers that instead of letting their sin be exposed to others in shame,to live lives of confession, exposing their sin to trusted friends, pastors, or mentors.

5. Take Just One More Look (Proverbs 7:22-23)

Jarrod writes, “The crystal-meth of sexual obsession is Internet sex” (13 Ways, p.45). He talks about the escalation of sexual addiction today due to the prevalence of pornography online, and he explains some of the hormonal reasons behind addiction. Drawing on his own experience with addiction to cigarettes, he shares how God breaks a person of their addictions, and shares about the power of accountability in a person’s life. Ultimately he points his readers to the cross of Christ (Romans 6) as the way to slay the power of sin slavery:

“When the ‘one more look’ drags you toward the sexual sin, take ten long looks at the cross of Jesus. Think about Jesus’ stunning sacrifice, His great love, His awesome freedom, and His gripping grace gifted to you when He saved you by His death on the cross. You are free from addiction and free from struggle and free from sin because He beat it all on the cross. You are no longer a slave to your lusts. You are a son of His love and glory. So embrace the truth and live it by constant repentance and faith.”

6. Act Without Thinking (Proverbs 7:22)

The man of Proverbs 7 is impulsive, which is what leads him to follow the prostitute without thinking. Jarrod calls us to take a serious inventory of our lives, to really think about what we are doing and how we might be crossing the line. When an impulsive heart meets with pornography or with an all-too-vulnerable friendship with someone of the opposite sex, this is the first step on the road to immorality. Jarrod reminds us that we will not stumble into purity or trip into godliness. We must aim for it.

7. Think You’re the Exception (Proverbs 7:26-27)

Men who think that they are somehow different than all other men are either guilty of incredible pride or incredible ignorance (or both). Sexual sin is a road to spiritual death: no exceptions. Jarrod gives his readers another perspective: You don’t want to be the exception. Being the exception means that God never brings your sins to light, never brings you to conviction, and thus never leads to repentance. He speaks to those who feel they are “just in a season” of weakness to be honest with themselves and with God, to admit their selfishness and seek God’s mercy.

8. Learn By Experience (Proverbs 7:1-2)

The fool learned by experience: don’t touch the fire or you will get burned. The very reason why Proverbs 7 was written was so that we never need to learn this lesson by experience. We, all too often, want to learn by experience, even if we are told by wiser people not to do it. Jarrod encourages his readers to take Solomon’s warnings to heart.

9. Live in Denial (Proverbs 7:9,21,25-26)

We all have the tendency to rationalize sin. Jarrod talks about the vulnerable moments when we are likely to want to rationalize: when we are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. He gives practical tips about these moments of vulnerability.

10. Deny the Obvious (Proverbs 7:10,13,16)

There are many red flags about the woman in Proverbs 7: she is aggressive, manipulative, scandalous, and seductive. Jarrod powerfully warns his male readers about not getting emotionally or physically involved with certain kinds of women. He teaches men how to handle seductive clothing, sensualized media, and a woman’s sexual advances.

11. Be Gullible (Proverbs 7:13-18)

This chapter is all about not being emotionally gullible or naïve when it comes to getting close to women. Jarrod pokes holes in those seemingly unimportant conversations that can eventually lead to sin. Whether you are single or married, this chapter speaks specifically to your situation. He sets some great boundaries for married men and some great standards for single guys.

12. Make Excuses (Proverbs 7:13,15)

Until we learn to stop making excuses for our sin, we will never find the freedom we want from sin. The man of Proverbs 7 could have easily tried making excuses for himself about how this seductive woman preyed upon him, but in the end he was to blame for his own actions. Jarrod prepares his readers for those difficult confrontations with seductive people and situations. Instead of playing the victim of sexual temptation, Jarrod talks about rejecting all attempts to excuse our sin.

13. Get Hardened to God’s Truth (Proverbs 7:1)

Jarrod reminds us that the book of Proverbs is words of wisdom written by Solomon to his son, but Solomon himself did not deed his own God-given wisdom. In this last chapter, Jarrod warns us about how easily we can become hardened to God’s words and not obey them. He talks about reading, studying, meditating on, and memorizing the Word of God with diligence.

Overall Jarrod’s book is entertaining, refreshing, hard-hitting, cross-centered, and extremely practical. I wholeheartedly recommend it to any Christian man.

For more book reviews on different topics by Luke Gilkerson, click here.

Also, check out www.convenanteyes.com.  Breaking Free is a blog post of Covenant Eyes.