13 Ways to Ruin Your Life, the FREE book from Jarrod Jones

While hundreds of thousands celebrated the legalization of gay marriage by the New York State senate, I grieved. I thought of my children, and I grieved even more. I try not to single out sins and harp on them. But this has gone too far and has forced me to do so. It has landed in my lap as a…

Read more HERE.

Suppose, on the spot, I asked to borrow your laptop for the evening. Would you let me? Or upon my request, would you begin to mentally scroll through the web history?  Would you kind of hem-haw around to buy time to go erase your web history before you loaned it (by the way, that actually hides nothing)?

Or how about this one…. What if you die tonight?  And your wife, or kids, or friends, or parents, later surf your computer to reminisce about you and probe to discover what interested you and brought you joy? What would they discover?

I think about that a lot with my own laptop. But I was especially confronted with the thought when I ran across a New York Times article about Osama bin Laden’s porn stash on his computers. Dr. Albert Mohler has a great blog about the hypocrisy of Osama bin Laden in relation to the porn stash discovery. Read here.

The thought of what a friend, staff, my sons, my wife, or volunteer(s) at my church could find on my laptop holds me greatly accountable when temptation comes over me. Christie has free access to my computer, as does my administrative staff, and volunteer tech guys at my church. Of course, accountability is only a band-aid because I could secretly access another computer. More than accountability, I long to worship the Lord Jesus with my eyes, love Him with all my heart, and do the same with my wife, kids, and church family.

Do you?

How’s your heart? Do you give family and friends free access to your computer? If not, what are you hiding? I encourage you to go ahead and confess and repent to the Lord what’s on your computer. And then, confess and repent to your wife and/or friends.

It’s better to expose the stash now, rather than the stash expose you later.

“The crystal-meth of sexual obsession is internet sex” (13 Ways, p. 45).  Would you believe that porn addiction is more powerful than drug and/or alcohol addiction?

“When pornography is combined with sexual release, as in masturbation, and the naturally occurring [endorphins] are set free all over the brain, this is a high reward for the brain. Because it is not a chemical imitation, it’s even more addictive.” (1)

If that addictive, is one more look truly worth it? In addition, what measures can you take to avoid this addiction? Porn is not the ultimate issue. Masturbation neither. Lust is the issue.  So what do you do with the lust?  The Bible says, “Kill it” (Colossians 3:5). Put a shotgun to lust’s head and pull the trigger.  In other words, deprive the lust of its power. And this could lead back to porn among many other things (movies, magazines, conversations, etc). What is empowering your lust? Whatever that is, get rid of it, avoid it, even run for your life from it (1 Corinthians 6:18)!

And ultimately, keep this in mind:

“When the ‘one more look’ drags you toward the sexual sin, take ten long looks at the cross of Jesus. Think about Jesus’ stunning sacrifice, His great love, His awesome freedom, and His gripping grace gifted to you when He saved you by His death on the cross. You are free from addiction and free from struggle and free from sin because He beat it all on the cross. You are no longer a slave to your lusts. You are a son of His love and glory. So embrace the truth and live it by constant repentance and faith” (13 Ways, p.54)

For more on this subject, check out chapter 5 in the free download of the 13 Ways to Ruin Your Life book.

What practical ways can you share with our readers of how to kill lust in the heart (deprive it of its power)? Please share in the comments section. Thanks!

(1) “Brain Pathways” by Douglas Weiss, PhD.

Joel Osteen, mega-church Pastor and author ofYour Best Life Now, was interviewed on CNN’s Piers Morgan Tonight this past Wednesday night. Morgan pinned him down on an issue that is unrelentingly thrust into our faces: Homosexuality. More specifically, he asked Osteen if he believed homosexuality was a sin. Osteen, ever one to avoid words like sin and instead whistle a prosperity gospel of happiness and optimism, actually surprised me with his reluctant answer. As one blogger put it, he finally “manned up.”

Regarding homosexuality, for every one reference to it in Scripture, I think there are…

Read more here.

Most of us do a lousy job at handling life. We may have a veneer for everyone on the outside but inside we’re a wreck. The danger, however, is failing to own up to this reality. If we finally do own up, the greater danger is not pleading our need to Jesus. The result is that sin happens and excuses follow, or excuses happen and sin follows. Only Jesus can give you grace to endure life’s fall-outs. Only Jesus can redeem and relieve your loneliness, brokenness, neediness, and disappointments. Sexual sin cannot. Sexual sin is not relief. It’s ruin.

According to one survey, half of all Christian men struggle with pornography. Here are some recommendations to help in this battle.

Deal with the Heart

A man’s pornography struggle or addiction very rarely has anything to do with his wife. Rather, pornography is an escape from pressure, stress, even responsibilities.

Also, the struggle can be an addiction to insatiable sexual “pleasure”. God invented sexual pleasure. It is His glorious idea. He gifted it to be experienced at its fullest in the marriage covenant of a man and woman. However, sexual pleasure is not the lifeblood of marriage. The lifeblood is the Gospel at work — the self sacrificing love of one for another. An addiction to sexual pleasure, especially self-gratification through pornography, is selfishness at its peak. So at the end of the day the issue is the heart.

Jesus said if your right eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out and throw it away (Matthew 18:9) However, Jesus’ point may have been that we can mutilate ourselves into a nub but still have lust in our hearts. We must read Scripture and let Scripture pierce, judge and read us.

Live in Grace, not Guilt

A great lie men believe is revealed in this statement: “No matter how hard I try I can’t get victory over this, so why fight it”.

Men feel so guilt-ridden that they would rather be in the sin than try to escape it only to feel guilty again and again. They live in defeat. But the glory of Christianity is that in Christ we are not perverts. We are not losers. We are not hopeless. We are not slaves to sexual sin. We are more than conquerors (Romans 8:37). We are pure in Christ. We are His children.

Grace always wins out over guilt. Jesus didn’t just die for our sin. He died for our guilt, too. It’s the glorious grace and love of God revealed in the cross of Jesus Christ that is our inspiration, motivation and power to walk in purity. Guilt and the wrath of God are not God’s way of giving a person victory over sexual sin. It’s His grace.

–Jarrod

The other night I was in my camp “hotel” room in Texas following the camp’s worship gathering. I’d been in bed for about 20 minutes. Then I got a “bang” on my door. I’ve been getting those for two weeks. Students get wind of where my room is and they oblige themselves. So, basically, I ignore the “bangs.”

But this time, for some reason, I decided to get out of bed and answer the door.  It was a youth leader, a newly married youth leader.  He had my 13 Ways book in his hand. “I’ve got to talk to you… right now!”, he said.

Whoa.

So, I told him to give me a second where I could put on a shirt and my flip-flops.  We sat outside in 90 degree night-time Texas weather. Sweat running off our foreheads, he told me he was recently married but that he had another girl in his life that he’d been friends with for years who had just divorced.  He said that she had been emailing him a lot. And he was emailing her back. Then she started texting him. And he was texting her back. And then with those texts came pictures (I don’t think they were “sexting” pictures but he didn’t clarify).  He was walking headlong into emotional adultery.

“What should I do?,” he asked. He said he truly cared about this friend. That she was hurting. But he felt something wasn’t right about how things had escalated.  I asked him, “What does your wife say about all of this?”  His answer, “she doesn’t know.”

Uh-oh.

So I looked him right in the eye and said, “Dude. You need to end it… right now. Tell her not to email you anymore. Then don’t answer your emails. Tell her not to text you anymore. Then don’t answer her texts. And if needed, change your email address and mobile phone number.  This is serious.” Then I waited for the excuses to come.  But he really didn’t offer any.  He knew the answer before he even came to me. That’s the way it goes, isn’t it? We often know the right thing to do but don’t do it. It’s like we hold out to see if we can justify ourselves, or find ourselves justified by someone else.

However, he was pained at the thought of “abandoning” his friend. I said, “What would your wife, think if she read those texts? Have you let her see them?” “No,” he said, “I deleted them.” I said, “Bro, you are in dangerous waters here.  Tell your wife about the texts. Let her read the emails. Communicate my friend!  Keep nothing from her.  As a matter of fact, if you respond to further communication from this “friend,” copy it to your wife where your friend will see that you are willingly and joyfully including your wife on any further conversation. That should take care of lot it.”

I went on to say (and was a bit tough on him), “You are to love your wife as Christ loved the Church. There must be NO rivals! NO rivals. Does your wife feel honored, adored, protected, treasured, safe, by you? Bro, this friend that you have, you are not her “Messiah.” God doesn’t need you to help her or save her.  You, and your wife, can pray for her. Give your wife your email passwords and access to your texts. Don’t delete anything questionable without her reading it first. Let your wife read anything else your friend sends. Copy your wife on any emails you send to her but you even need to end that pronto.”

I told him to read Proverbs 7, then I prayed with him. I prayed that God would guard his heart from finding his “manhood” or “ego” stroked and affirmed by another woman giving him “attention.” And that He would do whatever it took to cut the relationship and honor His wife.

Are you finding yourself in a similar situation?  There’s one key word I gave him that the Apostle Paul gives us, that I’ll give you:

Run.

(1 Corinthians 6:18)

Happy April Fool’s day. I’ve learned the hard way that people actually take this day seriously. Below, is the intro section of a chapter I wrote in my 13 Ways book.  It is fitting for today. I left the bit of application at the end of it for context too.  Feel the pain…

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It happened on April Fool’s day my eighth grade year of Middle school.   Before school most of my friends would hang out by the outside doors of the gym.  As I was walking toward my posse they were all chuckling and looking at me. My first thought was “zip up.” But all was well there.  I walked up to them and said, “What’s up? What’s so funny?”  My best friend at the time, Lance, pulled out from behind his back an egg.  He slammed it onto my head.  I stood in shock.  I leaned my head over to catch the egg goop as it ran off my head.  But there was no goop.  Lance had pulled a glorious April Fool’s joke on me. The egg was boiled.

Once I shook off my instinct to pummel him I laughed and thought it was the funniest thing ever.  Then he took out another egg.  I was putty in his hands. I said, “Let me get somebody.” He gladly handed the egg over.

I was waiting for my other friends to come by. But none ever showed.  The first warning bell rang.  I didn’t want to miss out on the prank. I had to pull it on somebody pronto.  Most everyone had made their way to class except for me, Lance, and three or four of our friends.  The last kid to walk toward the door was a sixth grader hobbling on crutches and barely hanging on to his books under his arms.

I walked up to him and said, “Hey, would you like an egg?” Then I slammed the egg on top of his head just like Lance did me.  Problem:  This was a raw egg.

As the egg yoke ran down his face he looked at me in horror. I was speechless. I spun around and Lance was foaming at the mouth he was laughing so hard. My friends had taken off running trying to contain themselves.  I chased Lance around the building as the final bell rang.

Out of breath I decided to simply go surrender myself to the Principal and accept my fate. Consequences were inevitable. I walked into his office and confessed the whole thing.  As my story unfolded it was all my Principal could do to suppress his laughter.

Surprisingly the kid had yet to come to the office. I had a hunch he was in the hall bathroom by the office. Sure enough there he stood propped on his crutches swishing water over his face and head.  I felt so ashamed.  You should have seen me wetting paper towels and helping him clean egg off his face while he slapped at my hand as if it were a gnat.  I rambled on about how Lance had set me up, that he (the kid) was my last chance to pull the prank, and so forth. I told him I’d be his body guard the rest of the year.   He looked at me with fire in his eyes. You couldn’t blame him.

Unfortunately, I am still just as gullible.  Pranks pulled on me aren’t a difficult task. Actually I think fewer pranks are pulled on me now because it’s just plain boring. I’m too gullible, too easy a target.

It’s one thing to be an easy target for innocent pranks. It is an entirely different issue to be gullible in sexual temptation.  Upon further thought, gullible may be too soft a word.  Naïve is more like it.  To commend your emotions and issues to a woman outside of your marriage is a travesty. To entrust your heart and purity to just any woman before marriage can bring brokenness and regret.  It’s plain naïve.

Don’t be gullible.

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If you find I haven’t written on this blog in a while, check out www.jarrodjones.com.  Thank you for checking out this site. I have gotten so many comments lately (and suddenly!) I bless the Lord for how He uses this site although I haven’t blogged on the site in a while. Now that I’ve discovered that it’s ministering powerfully to many of you, I will try and do better.

Thank you so much for your encouragement!

Much love and power in Christ!

Follow me on Twitter at @jarrodjones

This is in my video blog “More to be said” series. In this little series I share thoughts that I didn’t get a chance to share in most interviews about my book 13 Ways to Ruin Your Life. I hope you find it encouraging whether you’re dealing with sexual sin or any sin.

I would like your feedback too. Is it better for you if I write these thoughts or do you like the video blog better or does it matter?  Please let me know if you get a chance in the comment section. I truly want this to serve you, the reader/watcher.