13 Ways to Ruin Your Life, the FREE book from Jarrod Jones

Video Blog: GRACE OVER PORN (Not Behavior Modification!)

Posted by jarrod | Filed under Sexual sin, VLOG

This is in my video blog “More to be said” series. In this little series I share thoughts that I didn’t get a chance to share in most interviews about my book 13 Ways to Ruin Your Life. I hope you find it encouraging whether you’re dealing with sexual sin or any sin.

I would like your feedback too. Is it better for you if I write these thoughts or do you like the video blog better or does it matter? Please let me know if you get a chance in the comment section. I truly want this to serve you, the reader/watcher.

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Tags: christ, Christianity, holiness, lust, pornography, sex, Sexual sin

Read more | Comments (1) | May 18th, 2009

Video blog: “More to be said: Beetles”

Posted by jarrod | Filed under Sexual sin

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Tags: Christian, Christianity, Jesus, porn, pornography, sex, Sexual sin

Read more | Comments (0) | May 17th, 2009

700 Club Interview w/ Pat Robertson

Posted by jarrod | Filed under Interviews on 13 Ways/sexual sin

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Tags: 700 Club, Christianity, lust, Pat Robertson, sex, Sexual sin

Read more | Comments (0) | May 16th, 2009

Post 700 Club Interview

Posted by jarrod | Filed under Interviews on 13 Ways/sexual sin, VLOG

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Tags: 700 Club, Christianity, Pat Robertson, porn, pornography, sex, Sexual sin

Read more | Comments (0) | May 14th, 2009

What Really Matters–Forgiveness & Family

Posted by jarrod | Filed under Sexual sin

This is the fourth blog within the last couple of hours or so that I’ve written in regards to TODAY’S Matt Lauer’s interview this morning with former New York State’s Attorney General, Eliot Spitzer, about his sexual affair and exposure with a high-priced call girl. See the previous three blogs for more info. Actually, I’d like you to read those before you read this blog if you have the time.

One last word in regards to this little series based off the Lauer and Spitzer interview:

Forgiveness. As a Christ follower, we understand the word as “Grace.”

Here is what Spitzer said in regards to his family’s response since he was exposed: ‘I’m a very fortunate guy…. I have a spectacular wife, three daughters who are wonderful. I’ve been forgiven. There are moments when you realize those are the things that matter.’

In terms of his family relationships he found grace. I pray for those who are exposed in sexual sin can be granted the same such grace by their family. I’ll deal with this more in a moment.

But here’s the key note: We have a spectacular Savior. In Him—Jesus—we find grace, forgiveness, and restoration. He, above all else, is what and whom truly matters. In Him you are not hopeless and helpless in sexual sin. And you are not a pervert for crying out loud. You are not beyond grace. The grace of God has no end in Christ. To know this, believe this, empowers you to conquer sexual sin.

For example, one of the motto’s of my life is the following: “I don’t have to obey to be accepted and loved by God. But because I am radically accepted and loved by God in Christ I want to obey Him.” That’s what grace is and does.

Do you believe it? Will you slow down, retreat, pause, reflect, and meditate on it. You don’t have to perform. You don’t have to impress God with how long you can go without looking at porn. He’s actually not impressed. He’s impressed when you have faith in what He’s done for you and who you are in Him. He’s delighted when out of His grace, by faith, you live it out in obedience—fleeing sexual sin.

I’m hoping I’ve made sense. I deal with this more at length in 13 Ways.

For those whose husband, father, mother, wife has been in sexual sin and confessed and repented of that sin…. here’s my encouragement: If Eliot Spitzer’s family grants grace, without any mention of our Savior, how much more should we as Christ followers then, who have experienced God’s grace, grant grace to our loved one who is seeking forgiveness and help for his or her sexual sin?

In other words, can you forgive? Not just forgive with words, but with attitude, perseverance, commitment, joy? And I don’t mean forgetting the sin and trauma it brought you and your family. Healing will need to happen. Biblical Christian counseling will need to be sought. Trust will need to be re-established. Relational joy will need to be cultivated. But isn’t it worth the work for the sake of your marriage and family? And what a testimony it would be to Christ!

Spitzer’s last statement nailed it earlier in this blog. He said, “There are moments when you realize those are the things that matter.” Those things that matter? Forgiveness (Grace in Christ) and Family.

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Tags: christ, Christian, Christianity, Eliot Spitzer, family, father, forgive, forgiveness, God, grace, help, hope, husband, interview, matt lauer, mother, pervert, pornography, restoration, sex, Sexual sin, TODAY, wife

Read more | Comments (0) | April 6th, 2009

Don’t be a Superman (or Superwoman)

Posted by jarrod | Filed under Sexual sin

I’ve been pondering former New York State’s Attorney General, Eliot Spitzer’s interview with Matt Lauer today. I’ve already written two blogs about it this morning. See previous two blogs.

His comments are so dead on to what Proverbs 7 declares, and the content I expressed in the 13 Ways book.

The following is another statement Spitzer made to Lauer on TODAY:

‘Like most of us I suppose, I’ve had flaws…. I’ve tried to think about it deeply, address it. There are no excuses. I have tried to address these gremlins; confront them. What I did was an egregious violation of trust to my family, to my colleagues, to the state, and I’ve paid a price and appropriately so.’

We all have flaws. And we must confront them, deal with them, confess them, share them with a godly and trusted friend or Biblical Christian Counselor, and also pray for God’s grace to overcome them, and then by His Spirit through an act of our will fight them. Our “flaws”, or “issues,” or our anger, or loneliness, or fatigue, or disappointment, or depression, or pasts, can haunt us. This is when we begin to lower our necks into the grip of sin— or in this case sexual sin.

As I say in 13 Ways, sexual sin can bring excuses or excuses can bring sexual sin. The “flaws” above can fuel excuses to numb ourselves with sexual sin. Don’t give in to the excuses. Excuses for sexual sin can cost an exorbitant price for your family and testimony.

Elbow your way through excuses and burdens and run to the Cross of Jesus. “Cast your burdens upon the Lord for He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7; Psalm 55:22). You are not Superman (or Superwoman), so don’t try to be. You are free from an ego.

There is no shame or weakness in admitting you are burdened, heavy-laden, and at your breaking point. My wife feels closest to me, and greatly respectful of me and respected by me, when I share my burdens and heaviness of life with her. When I call a brother, or sit with him over coffee, and tell him I’m about to explode, I walk away feeling somewhat unburdened. When I go to our Church small group and express the fears, burdens, and weight of life and marriage, I find great relief and encouragement. I want to highly, highly encourage you to do the same.

To carry your own burdens can crush you. To bear the weight of life in silence can make you desperate for relief. That desperation cal lead to excuses for sexual sin. And excuses for sexual sin can ruin you.

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Tags: burdens, christ, Christianity, Church, depression, Eliot Spitzer, excuses, fatigue, flaws, issues, marriage, matt lauer, Sexual sin, Today show

Read more | Comments (0) | April 6th, 2009

Ignoring the obvious

Posted by jarrod | Filed under Sexual sin

In a recent interview with the TODAY ‘s Matt Lauer, Eliot Spitzer shared about his ongoing sexual fling with a high-price call girl ($4300 a session) and the trauma of his exposure.

In the interview Lauer asked if he ever thought about eventually getting caught. Spitzer replied, “Getting caught… ‘crossed my mind, but like many things in life, you ignore the obvious at a certain moment because you simply don’t want to confront it.’”

Did you catch it? He said, “[L]ike many things in life, you ignore the obvious…”. Interestingly how Proverbs 7 deals with that very truth. Indeed, a whole chapter out of the 13 Ways book deals with “ignoring the obvious.”

King Solomon states, “Then out came a woman to meet him, dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent…. WIth persuasive words she led him astray and she seduced him with her smooth talk. All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter…little knowing it would cost him his life”
(Proverbs 7:10, 21-23).

In the interview Spitzer continues, ‘This is something that has caused excruciating pain to [my wife] and my daughters…. It’s something that I carry with me every day because of the pain I’ve caused. And so I’ve tried to balance: The obligation to speak is vast but also the pain to my family has been enormous.’

Spitzer ignored the obvious. And it cost him dearly.

Evaluate your life. What sin are you ignoring? Chances are that anyone reading this blog is not spending $4300 on a call girl. Chances are that he or she is probably spending time, and potentially money, on pornography. Porn is “loud and defiant” in its display. It’s intent—or the producers and porn CEO’s intent— is to seduce you and addict you and get your money. And all the while it is leading you like an ox to the slaughter.

In the words of Eliot Spitzer, sexual sin can bring excrucitating pain to your family.

And it can ruin your life.

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Tags: addiction, call-girl, Christianity, Eliot Spencer, King Solomon, matt lauer, porn, pornography, pornography addiction, prostitute, proverbs, Proverbs 7, sex, Sexual sin, solomon, Today show

Read more | Comments (0) | April 6th, 2009

Don’t Rationalize!

Posted by jarrod | Filed under Sexual sin

On March 10, 2008, former New York State’s Attorney General, Eliot Spitzer, was exposed as a customer of a high-priced call girl. She was 22 years old and he paid $4300 a “session.” $4300! I wonder if he somehow justified a kind of dignity by the exorbitant price and expensive places of encounters. It wasn’t like he was meeting a street hooker in an alley.

I am only speculating. But it’s worth pondering how we can justify sin in inventive ways. We can always, always, justify sin. But the ones we hurt won’t buy it.

Good questions to ask yourself. “Is this sin or not? Will this behavior hurt my family, offend my colleagues, and break the heart of my God?” Upon marriage your wife’s body is your body, and your body is your wife’s body. You become one. So whatever part of your body you use outside the love covenant with your wife is in essence using her body to sin. For example, if you’re looking at porn, you are looking at porn with her eyes.

Justifying and rationalizing sin is foolish. But it’s entirely easy to do. “My wife is not ‘available’ for me. My husband doesn’t notice me. My work is killing me, I need a break…” and so forth.

Beware of justifying and rationalizing your sexual sin. It could ruin your life.

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Tags: christ, Christian, Eliot Spencer, Exposed, God, justify, prostitute, rationalize, Sexual sin

Read more | Comments (0) | April 6th, 2009

Bleeding out of the fairy tale: The Truth about me…and you.

Posted by jarrod | Filed under Personal stories

I posted this on my personal website, but just in case you don’t check that one I posted it here too.

—-

I had to get some pictures made a while back. I had a specific picture in mind that I wanted made along with the others. The picture holds personal significance for me.

My dad had a blue chair. I wanted a snapshot with me holding the chair on my back. The expression on my face is half daze, half-hiding something.

That chair on my back represents the weight of issues that I tend to put on myself. My dad snapped the picture in such a way that it faded me out into a brownish tint and highlighted the bright blue of the chair on my back. It’s a statement he made unknowingly but personally to me. It’s a near-perfect image. My thoughts and heart tend to highlight the weight I put on myself.

Now, I don’t believe in vomiting my junk out for all to see. But I do believe in bleeding out for some to see. Because we’re all bleeding.

More than not, who I am on the platform is not who I am in person. More than not, who I am when chatting with a friend over coffee, or who I am as I’m shaking hands with someone at a Church or event, is not who I am deep down. The face I present is not what goes on behind the face.

And the face you present to people is not what is going on behind your face either. I hear some say, “What you see is what you get.” I don’t buy it. The face you present to who you golf with, pray with, work with, or go to the movies with is not the real you. And if you ever do wipe off some of the cosmetics that hide you, and then bleed a little with someone, you walk away wrenched in the guts that the person has some kind of upper-hand on you. And doesn’t like the you revealed. And will never see you the same. And it’s traumatizing.

As a teenager I had a bit of an acne problem on my forehead. I coated my forehead every morning and night with a medicated gel to get rid of it. Meanwhile, I would cover my head in my mom’s Coverup makeup to hide it until it went away. I still use Coverup makeup… but not on my forehead. Rather, I use it on the insecurities and fears of my life. All the while I pray and hope that Jesus will completely take away these insecurities and fears.

I wake up many mornings with, as Frederick Buechner expresses, feeling like “I’ve swallowed an anchor.” Anxiety deep in my stomach, unstoppable negative thoughts, fears of not meeting expectations, fears of letting people down, fears of doing something or saying something, or not doing something or saying something that ruins my sons’ lives. Yet I am determined to present an aura that I am “too blessed to be depressed.” I paint a “fairy tale” portrait of myself.

And so do you.

You have emptiness in your stomach that you try to fill with caffeine, or porn, or achievement, or relationships, or sex, or religion/spirituality, or unhealthy pride in your child’s intelligence or natural abilities. You have good days and bad nights. You wonder if there’s something more. You carry within you good dreams, unaccomplished dreams, faded dreams, and failed dreams. “Terrible things and wonderful things have happened to us all,” says Beuchner.

It’s not easy being human.

This is where the picture of me and the chair missed it. There is no Cross in the background. No hope displayed that the weight of sin and fear and insecurity and guilt Jesus took on the Cross. And the Cross is what makes the gospel so glorious. This is what makes the gospel good news. Because before there is good news, there is bad news. We are a wreck. Sin be damned!

The good news is that Jesus damned sin. And He knows what you feel, what you struggle with, and what goes on behind the cosmetic Coverup. Jesus knows the truth about us, and as you very well know, it is no fairy tale. In fact, Buechner describes what the gospel does with our fairy tales, “[It's] a kind of fairy tale where everybody is disguised as something he or she is not and only at the end are all disguises stripped away so that all are finally revealed for what they truly are…”

With Jesus the fairy tale ends. We can be naked in our fears, sin, anxieties, shame, insecurities, before Jesus. We can bleed before Him, because He bled for us.

Upon thinking about a Shakespearean play, Beuchner wrote, “Shakespeare is not willing to run…from the conviction that if the truth is worth telling, it is worth making a fool of yourself to tell.”

Our stories connect with each other. We all carry chairs on our backs. We are all human. We need to bleed together. We need to seek the mercy of Christ together.

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Read more | Comments (1) | April 3rd, 2009

Porn Addict Pastor Admits Struggle on CNN

Posted by jarrod | Filed under Sexual sin

My friend, Ed Howell, passed this on to me this morning. Very interesting. And very encouraging that this pastor came forward about his addiction. Hope you find some encouragement and/or hope through it. Would love to know your thoughts. Also, I haven’t read his book but when I do I’ll share my thoughts on it. If/when any of you read it I would like to know your thoughts.

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